Hoping for a Prince, Settling for Bullsh*t.

 As I approach my 20s, I've given much thought to the woman I want to be. What do I look like in 10 years mentally? What are my morals and values? What does love look like? Who will my husband be? As little girls, we are predisposed to the idea of love. We play with Disney princesses and wish for a prince. I think it's funny how as little girls we are already conditioned to think about love and marriage while boys are playing with monster trucks and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 

As I gave my love life some thought, I thought it would be good to observe the love life of other women. One thing my mom told me when I was 13 that I completely disregarded in my teenage years is, “You don’t always have to go through things personally. You can learn what to do and what not to do by observing others.” I took this advice and started observing the love lives of the women in my life.

I saw a pattern, specifically in my age group, of being delusionally in love. I wondered why I saw this pattern among us young women (yes, I’m saying us). For a lack of better words, why were we so stupid and stuck? Why did we view love as an obstacle, thinking we were bound to have problems and need to be committed to working them out? Why, at this young age, are we burdened by this idea of unwavering commitment? Why are we trying to mold these men into a prince to validate the idea that we are a princess?

Like a double-edged sword, I saw delusion and then I saw detachment.
The same number of “delusional” women I observed was equal to the amount of “detached” women I met.
Women who see impermanence—who are “here for a good time, not a long time.” No yearning for marriage or commitment. No yearning for a prince. 

I wondered, was it the feminist movement? Was it this forever evolving 19th-century idea that women are free to be promiscuous like men, that women should be sexually liberated? Or was it because “we are young” and we can’t expect men to settle down or be faithful, so why not “do what you want”? When did loyalty become a value that came with age? When did commitment become something only the developed mind of 25+ could handle?

Then I wondered: Are these women happy being “hoes” or is this all a façade? Is detachment a defense mechanism? Is it a response to expected disappointment? And in that case, is delusional attachment a response to not wanting to be abandoned?

Do these women have sex and see no value in it because they need to satisfy their needs, or because they are lonely, and sex is a quick and easy way to feel connection, even for a couple of minutes? For those few moments, they are enough. They are wanted. They are needed. 
Another observation I made is that the women who had “standards” and weren’t “loose” felt better than those who were detached. Even those women, in all their “glory,” sitting on their high horse, were the same as the hoes. 

 Loneliness is scary. The need for validation is even more fearful. When in combination, they create this crippling sense of inadequacy. In combination, it leaves you thinking, Am I enough? Like a child, when we are curious, we explore and look for answers. When you are not concrete in your worth, you look for reaffirmation to guide you. This may be through that “ex” you know you can always go back to, or that guy in your Instagram DM who has been chasing you for years, or that sneaky link you know is always up and active (in more ways than one) when it’s 2 AM.

 Both delusional and detached women are the exact same. They just translate their fears to the world differently. That’s why the delusional stay trapped in a fantasy, holding on to false hope, aimlessly seeking, and the detached avoid it altogether. Bottom line: We are all hoping for a prince and settling for bullshit.